Monkey Business

Bureaucratic chimps
Slaving at the brewery soon
Beer improves outcomes

A prehensile tail really helps with that capping machine!

I was going to call this one Minkey Business, but no-one would have got the reference to Peter Sellers and The Party. Either that, or I'd have to put a whaling reference in there soewhere instead of chimps.

That's just a part of the great tapestry!

Cheers

Neil

Squidalicious

Calamari slime
Public dissection of squid
Ick! Marinara!

Eeeeeuuuuuuuuoooooo......oh so icky. Icky and slimy. Icky, slimy and gooey. But mesmerising....
Museum Victoria recently had a public dissection of a giant squid (nicknamed "Haddo" - gotta love Aussies) that was caught in a fishing trawl of Western Victoria. The video is long, but, well, so was the squid.

http://museumvictoria.com.au/giantsquid

Actually, seafood makes me hurl.

Cheers
Neil

Government Speak

blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah Blah-dy blah
bureaucratic chat

Imagining is best

.
.
.

.
.
.


Let your imagination make your own haiku!

can you see the theme yet?

Starving - Need food now
Starving Starving no food here
Starving - will die soon

Foamy Lunchtime haiku

Weekly Friday blues
Longing for the final bell
Foamy beer awaits

Foamy. bubbley and foamy. Bubbley, tasty and foamy. A truly excellent combination. All it needs now is to served by scantily clad buxom nubile wenches (or whatever the male equivalent is for the girls, unless you'd prefer to be served by some appropriately adorned strumpet, or if the blokes prefered the option....oh dear, I'm getting confused....)

Anyway. Lunch. Not foamy, but on the path to foamy enlightenment.

Cheers and beers

Neil

Mammalia, the warm blooded ones!

Cute furry critters
Sporadically woolly too
Tasty mammal treats

Mammalia, Tasty. And no comments about "oooo its not a fcuking haiku, it's got 8 syllables in the second line" bollocks. That last "a" is "swallowed" so not actually pronounced. That, and I don't care. Since no one comments anyway. It makes me feel all alone and really quite vulnerable, you utter, utter pri......

If you don't like it, post your own damn haikus! Yeah. Go on. Dare you. DARE YOU.....DARE YOU

I have to hunt and gather ex-cute furry, woolly or maybe feathered critters.

Tetanospasmin
And Clostridium as well
Not a tasty lunch

A special neurotoxin haiku. A cup of Clostridium botulinum would be sufficient to depopulate the earth. What a cheery thought.

That would make it equivalent to about 2.5 mime artists or buskers.

People inject it (botulinum, not the mimes) into their face to keep wrinkles at bay. Stuff it up, and your problem with aging will be comprehensively fixed.

Cheers
Neil

Beer. Beer will solve all my problems!

Wacky Japanese
Poems with odd syllables
Flim-flam intellect

That's right. Time for Fridays review of our National intellectual challenges.

People are complaining about lifting the amount of water able to be traded so the Federal Government can buy it back to use it for Murray Darling environmental flows. There's irony there somewhere.

Departments are hesitant to spend money on training their staff, but are happy to toss lots of dollars for a 3 hour self-congratulatory-pat-on-the-back-piss-up or blow millions on a new ticketing system that we don't really need and hasn't even been successfully tested. There's irony there too...

And for the final irony, we're heading out to a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch on American Independence Day...

Oh the irony...

Well. That's enough bitching.

Three Ravens Brewery is having a beer launch this arvo. Good stuff! Come along if you like! Great beer. Cheap. Beer. Beer.....what a wonderful word. Beer. Soothing and foamy, and I get more attractive and funny after every pint!

http://www.3ravens.com.au/

Get back to work.

Cheerio

Neil

Vegetarian Anger Subside!

Vego ire swells
Carnivores flee a spanking
Content, they retire

No, I don't get it either. But its time the vegetarians amongst us (you know who you are! Admit it! Come out free from the meat-lovers enforced closet of shame!) stood up to be counted...

If they had the energy to stand, that is!

Cheers

Neil

PS I'm ashamed at the lack of comments on http://neilslunchtimehaiku.blogspot.com/

Digging for meat....

Vegetarian
Sustaining, nutrition low
Tastless grey gruel

At least you know where you stand, oh scrawny, complaining, animal loving vego. If you had enough energy, it'd be worth an argument!

Cheers

Vegetarians are tasty!

No more bovine treats
Vegetarian slimming
Anorexic me!

Yes, I have vegetarian pie for lunch, and so does Louise. I used prime, grain fed yearling vegetarians to ensure a full bodied flavour that is enhanced with a nice Reisling.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. I love the champagne comedy

Cheers

Neil

Bovine poetry

Count the silly bulls
Grazing, regurgitating
Great bovine haiku

Y'know, I think I'll have lamb for lunch. Or the fabled thai chicken balls (which, I have decided, must come from sizeable, transexual chickens)

Lunch. Any regional representation would be welcomed, as they are the Head Office's poor cousins that no longer feel the stress of working in an uber-important place like head office.

Can you smell the sarcasm in that one, kids?

Cheers

Neil

I personally think no-one leaves comments as they fear my beauty!

Three Word Haiku

Inoperable
Establishmentarian
Refrigerator

Part of the Refrigerator trilogy, almost the most eeeevil haiku of all....the three word haiku. It's a bitch.

Tracey's Lunchtime haiku

mr neil is going to a meeting at lunch. we should all laugh at him!

neil not here for lunch
everybody laugh hard now
it's time to go eat

that was appalling. i am not a goddess of haiku.

...................................................

Who am I to criticise a haiku....but I think this particular prose even beats my "Lunch" for craptacular efforts!

Maybe there was some influence and input from a confused cat or two...

Tracey's lunch time haiku

Neil not here for lunch
everybody laugh hard now
it's time to go eat

that was appalling. i am not a goddess of haiku.

Uber-security installation

The weekend's gone by
Soon a grinding week begins
A hearty lunch helps

Lunch. Not here, but elsewhere. We'll meet in the new uber-secure anti terrorist entry, I think.

Bye-ee

Your fellow secret agent....

Steam Rally Haiku

Steam rally beckons
Hot recirculating steel
No lunch for me! Bye!

Says it all really!

I don't care what you do for lunch, because I won't be here. If you want to get me 2 dim sims and a curry puff with spicy chilli sauce as a good-bye present though, I'll gratefully accept!

Cheers

Neil

Haggard, worn out strumpet lunch

So few people here
But faithful lunch continues
Faithful harridan

The lunchtime haikus aren't doing well at the moment. But at least this one has an interesting word in it!

Lunch. Make it greenhouse unfriendly. Damn those do-gooders and evil black balloons. Stuff of nightmares and splatter-horror films

Cheers

Pure

Lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch
Lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch
Lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch

The pure lunchtime haiku, not spoiled by anything as mundane as sentence structure or made up alien languages. Just pure, unadulterated, non-kiddie-pron-art lunchtime haiku.

So there.

Fin

Vulcanised, galvanised and pasturised

A belaar favinit sokasitau
Sokhik mals sak-tor eik
Estuhl abru-nalatra az'ir'kh'ar

Yes! This time it's vulcan! Damn those logical aliens with their mind melding and logic games.

They deserve a rude haiku!

Cheers

Neil

Oh the Confusion....

Huffle is confused
Boy or girl or cat or dog
Decide you hussy!

Nothing to do with lunch, but I don't care.

Now, for not Monday's sluightly dull and unimportant facts....

I don't like Mondays, and I cedrtainly I don't like Don Maclean's American Pie song. Modonna butchered it further. It was ironic - I was happy that Modonna made a hash job of the song and made it sound disgusting, but sad that it revived the garbage.

But, like every other teenager, I learnt the lyrics, all of them. It hurt. But what the hell has it got to do with Buddy Holly dying? And what's the Chevy/levve bit about? So here are some uninteresting sort of facts:

Buddy Holly died in a aeroplane crash, during a snowstorm, on 3rd February, 1959. Rumour has it that the plane was called American Pie. Another rumour suggests that Buddy Holly dated a Miss America chick during a pageant and broke up with her on 3 February, 1959. I can see it now, plumiting to earth in an aeroplane, telling some bird that it just wasn't working for him and....splat....

As an aside, Don Maclean wasn't a paperboy, so he didn't deliver newspapers. Maybe he should have. Supposedly it's a reference to Buddy Holly's only otther job other than being a musician.
Now, the car and levee bit - it's thought to be a reference to a murder of 3 black college students, which became the subject of "Mississippi Burning" They were buried in a levee.Good for them. Watch the movie, it's supposed to be good.

The next bit about good ol' boys get pissed on whisky and rye singing "this'll be the day that I die"etc etc etc boring boring boring, is supposed to be a reference to all 3 singers who died in the crash (Buddy, Richie and Jiles - aka the "Big Bopper") having a bit of a sing song about their own deaths. In "That'll be the Day" there's a line "That'll be the day that I die". I don't really think either of the three were really thinking about it so much as they spread their remains orver a considerably large area.

Now, personally, I don't think Little Don thought about it that much, and because it became a hit in 1972, I have a feeling it may have had something more to do with mind altering drugs, or disco. I reckon it was disco.

So, the moral - don't end your name in "ie" - let's all be grateful that little Johnie Farnham changed it to just plain "John". And don't do drugs. They give you runny poo (Thankyou Homeowners!)

Cheers

Neil

PPS Great segue don't you think? Segue. Stupid word.

PPPS Reminds me of that joke "What's the difference between a musician and a family pizza?"

Oh the shame!

nga'chug tlhaQ
ghobe' tIn be'Hom
heghbat jIyajbe'

Yup, that's right! A challenge for all you nerds out there! Klingon Haiku!

I'm so ashamed....oh the shame...

Cheerio then

Neil

chop'a'? Qapla'

Catawailing cacophonies Batman!

Huffle won't add this
To his list of favourites
Kitty dementia

I dare Huffle to add me to his blog thing. I double dare him!

Soft. Thats all....soft...

(ok, and fluffy)

....and no jokes about pussy, thank you very much!

Lunchtime Haiku and strange but true facts...

Around ragged rocks
Dashed hopes of satisfaction
Rascally denial

Yes. The lunchtime haiku meets the nursery rhyme. Yay. I'm excited.

Level 11 produces too much frivolity. Especially for a Monday. And since it's not Monday, here's Monday's strange but true fact:

The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload
And nobody's gonna go to school today
She's going to make them stay at home

Well, actually, this bit of the Boomtown Rats song "I don't like Mondays" isn't correct. There were no silicon chips in anyones head (unlike in Buffy) and they did go to school that day!

Brenda Spencer is due for release in 2009. She was the inspiration for the song. In 1979, aged 16, she went to Cleveland Elementary School and shot a few kiddies and teachers, killing the Principal and a teacher. 8 kiddies were wounded. She told a reporter "I don't like Mondays. This livens the day up". Ironic, hey?

Now, before you all panic - they were all American. She was given the rifle as a pesent from her father. Good one dad! Maybe one too many episodes of Supernanny?

Now, that's topical (and possibly slightly insulting). Don't worry, I'll do a thing on Princess Diana just to really get up people's noses!

Cheers
Neil

Return of the lunchtime haiku

Mondayitis strikes
Early every Monday
Fridays too far gone

Ah the Haiku. The first in a week. But no one missed it. The world didn't mourn the lunchtime haiku. No-one cared. It's a sad sign of how dispassionate, dejected and another d-word the world has become...

But at least the brewery was good. I helped give birth to at least a dozen slabs of gorgeous, sweet beer. I'd encourage everyone to get in touch with their brewer within!

Just to see if the water sector has improved, or whether they're cold....ice cold...How cold?....ice cold. Many thanks to Andre 3000.

Why do I even bother trying to reference modern popular culture. It's crap.

Cheers

I think no-one comments on the haiku blog because it lacks that personal intrigue...

Touch the brewer within! Feel, carees and excite your internal beer making genie. Look it up!
www.3ravens.com.au

long day of not much

Oh how the day drags

Stretch yawn drink coffee, repeat

Why does it drag so?

Friday Haiku. Inspirational!

Oh lunch, my lunch, soon
Turmoil over chips, astray
Elusive inner piece

It's amazing the difference a comma makes. It takes a non-semnsical haiku and makes it moreso. Go comma! go go go!

Snigger annd Rupert sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I....screw that...

Snigger and Rupert.
Steal dried fruit and gorge themselves.
Both get stomachs pumped.


This only one story of those two bloody expensive dogs!
Who needs haikus that toture small fluffy puppies when real life provides such entertainment!

Raining Cats and Dogs!

No more puppy fun
Offensive humour severed
Kittens should beware!

Ok Ok, I can get a hint. No more haiku torture of little fluffy puppies. Dead or alive. We'll just have to cook the last of the pets up instead! Vietnamese soup anyone?

Bah, No sense of humour. None. Anyone would think we all worked for government!

Cheers

Neil

Another Non-Haiku...by Ogden Edsel, or Dr. Demento, or someone else who actually wrote it!

And it goes well with the current pet-based themes!

Dead puppies, dead puppies,D
ead puppies aren't much fun.

They don't come, when you call,
They don't chase squirrels at all --
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

My puppy died late last fall,
He's still rotting in the hall --
Dead puppies aren't much fun.
No, no, no ...

Mom says puppy's days are through,
She's going to throw him in the stew --
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Dead puppies, dead puppies,....

And a gentle volume reduction to sweet, comtemplative silence...

Happy now?

Nothing you can do,
Small, fluffy, puppies were hurt.
Fun was had by all.

A true exhibition

Scotty stick figure
Photographic phobia
Already too late

We have been infected by level 11. It all seemed a bit....well...to...um....welsh? Its's not good for our mental state. We all need mediocrity and a routine of standard, dull grey to ensure we don't get over excited.

The Royal We? I don't think so. I'm not into that kind of kinky stuff...

And, no, it's not supposed to make sense. It's HAIKU!

Cheerio then!

Neil

PS No Welsh people were harmed making this email. Only puppies and big eyed, fluffy kittens.

Happy lunch time people

And cos some people are kind of 'freakish' about having their picture on the web, I have had to draw this one of Scott.

You will note how accurate it is by the following facts:

• presents of glasses on head
  
• includes security tag
  
• one foot is smaller than the other

You may think the picture shows Scott having lost a small amount of weight (maybe even all of his body) but that is merely an illusion caused by his being on the interweb!

Oppressed

Oppressed males unite
Ignore the calling vixen
Lunch's cruel defeat!

Now...that's either really, really deep or makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Take your pick!

Lunch. Eat. Fulfill. Plasicate!

Cheerio then

Not a haiku

Three vision impaired rodents,
Three vision impaired rodents,
See their non-competitive sporting prowess,
See their non-competitive sporting prowess,
They all harassed the domestic carer of an agricultural household,
Who in defending herself thought she had no choice but to render them tail challenged,
Have you ever witnessed such a text-book example of a situation requiring mediation,
As three vision impaired rodents?
Three vision impaired rodents.

Cyclist unite! (Sorry Jan). Maybe Not. I don't care.

Riding bicycles
Holistic self righteous glee
Condescending pricks

There's no particular reason to take my frustration and angst out on the more actively fit of our workmates today. But stuff it. They get special treatment. They still bloody winge and whine.

Screw them all. Yeah baby! - They're fit, so they should go off like a frog in a sock, but they'd most probably give you a dissertation afterwards about what they did right, and what you did wrong.

Or is this just me being a paranoid male?

Sometimes I think I'm confused. Sometimes I don't.

Cheers
Neil

Mind merrily gone
Astray with garage fairies
Kitchen appliance

Enough said

Lunch time comes but once a day...

The lunchtime Haiku time:

Curry for dinner
Curry for lunch the next day
Guaranteed splatter

Oooh...that's just icky. Icky and messy. Icky, messy and smelly....I better not get curry for lunch then!

Monday comes again
Food lets us escape the grind
Blind optimism

That's noicer. Much noicer. But more depressing.

I'm going to buy my lunch in a vain attempt to enjoy the day. Life. Don't talk to me about life!


Insult of the week:
"WHEN WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, ALL IQs IN THE AREA SUDDENLY DROP SHARPLY AND PAINFULLY."

Cheers

Neil

PS Louise would be SOOOO proud of my not so subtle hidden quote from one of her favourite shows.
PPS Nerdness (aka geekiness) is appropinquity transferable

Haiku Inspiration - the Ring Cycle

Bereft of the Ring
Wagner's masterpiece fruitless
Which reminds me....food!

Yes, another highbrow haiku based on Wagners Ring and how people have even written books on how to analyse and penetrate such lengthy musical masterpieces...

Which reminds me....I'll have to send that link to Kate!

Cartoon Inspired Haiku of Life!

Exponentially
Breeding blogs rife with dregs, filth
No comments yet? Bah!

Yes, its angry, topical haiku time. I wonder how much more work would get done if we were banned access to youtube, blogs, facebook and myspace!

Or maybe we'd be frollicking in the park, enjoying the fresh air, sunshine and fredom that our bureaucracy allows?

Unlikely. Bloody flower show!

Lunch. Be there if you can. Don't be there if you can't!

Tootle-pip!

PS Savage chickens are brilliant! Look 'em up!

http://www.savagechickens.com.au/

A first time contributer

Jammed with c**ts
Stinks like shit
Train pain

Useless words to use in your daily life, or...

....writing a Ministerial about seeding vapour trails to make it rain and fill our dams...or piping water across from New Zealand...

Curmudgeonliness
A discombobulation
Superfluous words

I'm soooo good. I'm better than good. And I don't care what you say, I'm great. So good, in fact, that I haven't been included in the 1000 brainy people going to some forum in Canberra coz I'd shame them by just showing them the size of my intellect alone....not that I'm overcompensating or nuffin' !

Yay Neil

Email created
Group defines forgetfulness
Public service mind

It was just so I don't forget anyone....

Highbrow

The raven quoteth
Nevermore! But Lunch comes round
Lying hell portent!

Yes, a highbrow haiku for Monday! Yay team!

Oh Lunch, yea verily giveth forsooth

Oh lunch, see thy doom
microwaved, masticated,
happy tummies though!

Lunch.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it!

This email will self destruct in 30 seconds....no...29 secionds...dang...make that 28 seconds.... oh dear....27 seconds....ah crap....

Cheerio
Neil

PS Did they ever tell the tape just to piss off, they're heading to Bermuda for a holiday of sun, cocktails and loose women, rather than mystery, interigue and life threastening shoot outs? No. So why did the tape always say "IF you choose to accept it". What a crock...


Bringing you mysterious and intriguing TV and movie continuity stuff ups since 11:56 today!!

I can't believe I'm about to to this

it is lunchtime now
no Neil to write us Haiku
so I must do it

Kitchen pantry - tick
Dining room table - tuesday
Lunch time in thirty!

My haiku is getting boring. Like my life, my job, my underwear....

I think I'll have do the right thing, and become a zombie and eat BRAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSSS!

As colds and flus pass
Drink celebratory beer
Hangovers beat flus

Yup. Lunch

And another beer
haiku before lunchtime feed
Get food now, or not

Hey...that's two crap haikus...or should that be haikii

VCMC Lunch
They have run off and left us
We'll just carry on!

Snotty Lunchtime Haiku

Easter holiday
VEAC flu, snotty phlegm nose
Leaking, sneezing, prose


Well, nothing to do with lunch, but it is haiku!

This Arvo's activities

The elixir drink
Youth, truth, beauty and freedom yearns
Beer goggles crucial

....beware the evil vultures from.....

evening activities

train is not running
to desired location
nice night for a walk.

If a haiku a day keeps the psychotherapist away...

.....imagine what 2 will do!

Sunshine overhead
Midday anon! Lunch bells toll
Lunch waits for no man...

Level 2 sucked severely. too much yellow and purple... I want lunch in a lunchroom decorated by colour-blind foot painters on acid.

And for all those Adobe Acrobat fans out there in TV land....

Adobe tunes sing
Sweet lullaby, embed fonts
Copyright discord

Neil is really pissed
He can't be arsed with haikus
Just go get your lunch

Lunchtime Inspiration

Ministerial
Water pip'd below the strait
Inspiration null

Oooooo topical! I'm glad typing up haikus makes me look like I'm working.

Hey-didley-ho!

Atruistic Haiku Moments

True altruism
Haiku moments given life
Lunch elsewhere - not here

Yes! That's right! Just in case you didn't glean it from the special lunchtime haiku, Louise and I are not around for lunch!

Have fun wherever you goodly folk end up.

Vietnamese Haiku for Lunch

Although I think I'd prefer some beef satay noodle soup!

Vietnamese lunch
Anticipation looms near
Soups, noodles, wontons,

Thursday - the next worse day of the week

Thursdays come each week
Penultimate workday blues
Lunch pick-me-up soon

Yes! That's Right! Although I managed to sleep through my nightmares of Mr. Peanut, the totally ghoulish character of Scott's mania, I managed to come up with a bodgey, half arsed haiku....again. And where are your comments on the blog! NOWHERE.....NOWHERE......NOWHERE

I have to go and hunt and gather....
Catch ya real soon, y'hear.


Ooooo such pretty colours....it clashes so well with the background!

That time approaches

The bell tolls for thee
Rumblings awaken monsters
From within it comes

You know...that was waaaaay too intellectual...

It's time we tried somewhere new.......somewhere fresh.....where the wind comes sweeping down the plains....and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet....When the wind comes right behind the rains.......Everybody now!
Ooooooak! lahoma where the wind comes....sweeping....down......the...plain.....

I can't hear anyone.....except crickets.....>=-sniff-=<
.......

.....

...

.

Another Curry
Lunch, leftovers reheated
Rumblings below soon

Oh yea, verily!

Such pressure to perform....so here's a lunchtime haiku....

No comments on blog
Tenuous reality
Food will comfort me

Train of grumpy suits
Scowl at giggling school kids
jealous of their fun?

Scottie meeting nigh,
beer and food at pub abound,
How will work get done?

Yummy yummy pet sims

Pressure kindles thought
Of food, sometimes more dim sims
Pets have gone missing

Ooooh...so dark....so eeeevil.....Jekyll and Hyde....Sonny and Cher.....Sooty and Sweep
javascript:void(0)
Publish Post

train late yet again
Connex apoligisies
pissed off passengers

sing low sweet lunch...Cumming for to carry me home

Oops? Sorry ? What's that?
Twelve Thirty Level Six, then
Lunch bell tolls anon.

Lunchtime art gets blog
Crass commercialised haiku
Still no comments yet...

Green House Gas Emissions

Vindaloo havoc
Eyes watering, stinging heat
Next day disaster

Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Beer Beer Beer More Beer

One for Andy

Scientific find
paranthetical excuse
oceanic bliss

(ok...a long stretch..but at least a mention of teh oceans....)

Midday past too soon
Food becomes all important
Sweets? Dim Sims? Pasta?

Art is my tool

Midday past too soon
Food becomes all important
Sweets? Dim Sims? Pasta?